Social Media & Relationship: 7 Myths

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Humans are social animals.  The need to connect is a primal drive.  Even our most basic needs, such as food and safety, have always been accomplished by humans as a group.  We weren’t equipped to conquer the world with fangs and claws, so we got a prefrontal cortex that gave us cooperation and attachment. There are a lot of myths about social media that reflect two fundamental things.  The first is the fearassociated with new technologies.  The second is the implicit assumption that the old way of doing things is the "right" way and the news ways are morally superior.  It's easy to see how both of those points of view happen.  It's also pretty clear that these types of cognitive bias don't form a very good basis for evaluating the new tools. Myth 1: Social media are destroying our social skills and replacing offline relationships Research shows that social media have enhanced relationships. Obvious benefactors are shut-ins and … [Read more...]

The Popularity of #Selfies: Narcissism or Self-Exploration?

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Selfies are pictures you take of yourself tagged with #selfie or just with #me. They are showing up all across social networks like Facebook or Instagram—often but not exclusively posted by women. As the numbers and frequency of selfies increase, the phenomenon has garnered attention.  In our globally connected 24/7 world, anything that gets attention, gets talked about.  Some view these self-created self-portraits as proof of cultural—or at least generational— narcissism and moral decline.  I, on the other hand, view them as a by-product of technology-enabled self-exploration. What’s your opinion about selfies?  Vote here. Western civilization has a rich history of self-portraiture that continues to expand with technological innovations.  Where once they were the province of the elite either in status or skill, cell phones and Instagram have democratized self-portraiture, making them less precious and more fun.   Voila selfies. Selfies aren’t new, in spite … [Read more...]

Social Media Doesn’t Have to Make Breaking Up Harder to Do

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Moving on emotionally after a break-up is hard, with or without social media.  But the easy access and speed of social media sites, like Facebook, can make it easier to torment yourself and harder to move on. When relationships don’t go as we expected, planned or hoped, we want to know why.  Sometimes this is easy to answer, but most often it’s not.  Our desire to understand is very basic instinct hardwired into the human brain.  Throughout evolution, understanding how things worked—such as where the good food grew or where the sabre-tooth tigers hung out—-increased our chances of survival.  We still have that same urge to know.  We are also driven by a need to connect socially and interpersonally.  Historically, being ostracized or excommunicated from one’s ‘tribe’ was the worst form of punishment.  It’s also why a ‘Time-Out’ can be effective parenting tool. Facebook may look like a place to get answers to the burning questions about why a … [Read more...]

Shooting Your Kid’s Laptop Is No Solution to Media Literacy

Dad Shoots Laptop over Daughter's Facebook Post

The North Carolina dad who shot his daughter's laptop in a YouTube video shows the critical need to teach media literacy to our kids.  You may see the dad as a hero or an idiot, the daughter as a victim or an entitled brat, but she is also ignorant of the implications of socially-networked publishing.  The dad may get villainized by the local PTA or visited by social services, but the real downside is for the daughter and millions like her who don't understand that a careless post could cost them a host of potential choices, such as career or school opportunities. In case you missed the story:  A dad got really angry after reading a post on his daughter's Facebook page. (See ABC.news' "Fed-Up North Carolina Father Shoots Daughter's Laptop")  In a post she believed was blocked to her parents, the daughter expressed, rather colorfully and disrespectfully in that special way that teens have, discontent with the burdens she felt she carried at home.  (The Freudians among us, … [Read more...]

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